Confused

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Dear D,

I’ve just left catering college, and while I enjoy the food industry, I’m not sure it’s what I want to do with my life. My parents are already looking at universities for me, I really don’t want to let them down, but I truly don’t think I want to go on to do more food studies.

Love

Emily

 

Dear Emily,

I can understand your predicament, it is a tough choice. You want to please your parents, but what you want is not what they expect. But you have to remember this is YOUR life, not your parents – despite their good intentions. I would suggest you sit down with your parents, and have a chat. Explain how you feel, tell them how you feel. They will probably understand and want you to be happy. However, it is essential that you tell them your plans for the future. Do you plan to get a job, train in another direction, or perhaps have a gap year? If your not going to study any more – you will need to think about earning a wage, which way will that go? Think about your answers and what you’ll say to them before you have your conversation.

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Adult star

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Dear D,

I dream of being a porn star, I’ve discussed it with some friends who think I’m bonkers. I love sex, so why not make money out of it. Is porn so wrong?

Mike

 

Dear Mike,

You don’t state your age, but I presume your old enough to make these sorts of choices and not a student who thinks they are. If the former is true, then you should really ignore what people say – it is your life, do what you want. However, I’d like to offer a few words. Your films will be there forever, online, in film, whichever way they are viewed. This means any future children, grandchildren etc will be able to view them, for years and years (possibly forever). Porn is viewed as a ‘disgusting’ activity, I don’t agree with this view completely. If the porn is created with people who are willing to be in the films – willing participants, and the porn is legal, then let adults do what they want. But think and consider your options very carefully, just because you love sex (and 99% of men are with you). It’s worth bearing in mind that some porn studio’s  often pay women porn stars a lot more than their male counterparts, according to what I’ve seen. In fact one studio gave the men $100 and the women $1000, so quite a big difference. If you are 100% sure you want to still be in this line of employment, then good luck.

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Affair

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Dear D,

I am three months married and fell into the arms of my husbands best friend when my husband was at work. I feel so guilty, but am afraid I’m in too deep – he is so sexy and knows how to hit the right spots.

Please help

Ella

 

Dear Ella,

I would like to say I have sympathy with you, but I’m afraid I do not. You have been married just three months and you’re cheating on your husband. The grass always appears greener on the other side, but it isn’t always. You need to sit your husband down and tell him what you and he’s supposed best friend have been doing together. I can only hope he is a forgiving guy, who loves you too much to forfeit your vows. If it were me, I wouldn’t be so forgiving and would seek a separation and lose a best friend. Can I ask why did you marry your new husband? Obviously the seed had been planted long ago, and pushed through after you had married. If this man is married also, he needs to speak to his wife, because if you don’t – it’ll all end in tears.

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I’m dying…

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Dear D,

I’ve just been told I have six months to live. I’m so depressed, but keep smiling for the rest of my family. To make things worse my daughter told me a few weeks ago she was pregnant with my first grandchild. I do not know what to do, every time I am alone I cry.

Love Joni

Dear Joni

I am so sorry to hear of your situation, and it’s very brave of you to keep smiling. However, you really do need to concentrate on the rest of your life, and what you want to do before you pass. Your last six months is all about you. Go on some breaks, visit friends, do what you wish while you can. I know a friend who was in this situation recently – she didn’t do anything, other than every day mundane things. She died sooner than expected. I can not stress enough how important it is for you to make the most of and enjoy your remaining time. It’d also be prudent to sort out finances, housing, work etc too. I sincerely hope your last months on earth are good, and happy. If you are struggling too much to even think of this, see your doctor who can refer you on for counselling, although you should do this sooner rather than later.

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Fear

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Dear D,

I love horror and murder films and watch them a lot, but do you think by watching such films I will become mentally unstable and kill someone?

Wishes K

 

Dear K,

This is the weirdest question I’ve had for a good while. In answer to your question, I doubt you’ll become a serial killer by watching such films – the world would be packed with them otherwise, as many people also enjoy these films and shows. However (and there is always a however seemingly), if you think for one moment you have any tendencies to act this way – see your GP who can refer you to mental health. But most people can watch films with no problems, as they are able to tell themselves it’s acting, tomato sauce, and make-up.

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My husband

Dear D,

I love my husband of seven-years dearly. We have two children and have a nice house and lifestyle. In fact we are an ideal family. However, when it comes to our sex life, it’s a failure. While he orgasms every time we have sex, I have never had an orgasm with him. I want our marriage to continue to be strong, but want to feel fulfilled sexually as well.

Jemma

 

Dear Jemma,

We have had several contacts with similar lines. I think the only way to save your marriage is by sitting down and talking. One evening when the kids are in bed bring up the subject by saying something like: “Honey, you know I love you more than life itself? I’d do anything for you, you know that. But I am unhappy with our sex life”. Then go on to explain what you’d like, and give him the opportunity to tell you if you can do things to improve it. Perhaps you could consider buying a ‘The Lover’s Guide’, and watching it together. Men in particular don’t like being told they’re no good at sex, so chose your words carefully when telling him to avoid a BIG crack opening in your relationship. You’re right in saying sex is only part of a solid relationship, a relationship is far more than just sex – it involves being there, supporting, caring, supplying and much more.

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Is it possible…

Dear D,

is it possible to love your brother but also hate him? My brother is a proper wind up merchant, and I really dislike him at times. Is it possible to love and hate the same person?

John

 

Dear John,

I believe it is possible to dislike and love the same person. You love them because they are family or have been a good friend, but you dislike certain things they do or the way they treat people. Love and hate are supposedly on opposite sides of the spectrum of emotion’s, and yet they work together subtly enough to give us worries about our own feelings. So, yes you can love your brother, because he is your sibling. Yet disliking him for the things he does.

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