My mother

childDear D,

I love my mother very much, but I also dislike her too if that is possible. She is a nasty, gossip who has cause much harm with my friends and our family. Her own sister calls her ‘nasty tongue’. My partner has just proposed to me, and wants me to tell my mum. I can’t for the following reasons; She doesn’t know I am gay, she constantly ran down gay people on TV when I was younger, She’ll want to interfere in the arrangements of the wedding. I think my late father would have understood, but she is a different kettle of fish.

Thanks Kev


Dear Kev,

Firstly I am glad you have found the right man and are in a happy place. It seems you have this one nagging problem that although you say you don’t want as part of your life, I suspect secretly you do. You only get one mother, and yes she might not be perfect, but you really do need to tell her that you are gay and getting married. It’ll be difficult, so why not take your husband to be and introduce him, she might well ‘calm down’ in his presence. I feel it is important to tell her yo love her, but can no longer deal with her sarcasm and nastiness, share that if she wants to be part of your life that she has to accept your partner.

You don’t say whether you have any siblings or close relatives who are on your side. If so maybe one of those (or more) could come alone with you and have a word, not that I suspect you’ll need it – but for moral support it’d help.

If al else fails life without parents goes on, as sad as it is. You are brought into this world to enjoy your time as best as you can, and it is important you realise that you stay happy. Eventually your mother will die, and you’ll have years to come with your new husband.

Ask D




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