I’m forty-five and my husband is ten years younger. However, my libido doesn’t match his. When we married our sexual needs were about the same, now they are worlds apart. I realise it is different for men, that is there main reason for living, as is the woman’s for nesting. But seriously I am worried something might be wrong with me, and more worried that he will look elsewhere? Please help.
You’re right in saying that men and women’s needs are different, and this includes sexual desire. In the animal world men are known to do all sorts of things to attract females to mate, and in the human world (for the most) that is reflected. Humans mate for life (we know this isn’t always the case, but generally speaking), hence why throughout history men have married women and procreated to make the race go on. However, in modern times the dynamic has changed, women want more than their wildlife counterparts. Yes many still want to procreate and have children, but many want a career too. But this doesn’t answer your question, or help you – but it does explain a little of the background.
Women have internal issues to deal with also, as they approach their fifties (usual not always) they have a major body change as their bodies start to produce less essential female hormone’s, known as the menopause. This has major effects on their bodies from hot sweats, to lack of sexual desire. Also mood such as depression can affect libido. So there are many things that can affect how you feel. It may be worth you paying a visit to your doctor and having some test for Perimenopause, or talking about your feeling etc.
Unlike women, men can father children up to the day they die. Therefore their sex drive will be higher. If you’re reluctant to go to see a doctor (which you may need to in time), why not try a date night once a fortnight or monthly. Take it slowly, enjoy your time together and don’t feel pressured into sex – either of you.