I feel guilty…

guiltyDear D,

I have a funny situation, I constantly feel guilty. If I bump into someone I feel guilty, If someone pushes in front of me in a queue I feel guilty, whatever the situation if I can I do feel guilty. Am I abnormal?

Cheers Em

 

Dear Em

You’re not abnormal, just a average person making mountains out of molehills. It seems to me that instead of thinking rationally about a situation you seem to be jumping in and going straight to ‘guilty mode’. You see most of us feel a ‘bit guilty’ in those situations, but we compartmentalise it and generally forget it. What you seem to be doing is taking that insignificant action, and making it larger than what it is. What you should try to do, is instead of instantly feeling like you have done something wrong, stop, think, evaluate the situation. then if you have a genuine reason to feel guilty, then fine. But it is always wise to STOP and THINK before taking any action or thought.

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Bullying

bully

Dear D,

My friend at school was bullied and ended up killing herself. Jo was fifteen before those scum made he take her life. I’m now seventeen and living in the same town, where most of them live. I see them occasionally and all the healing about Jo recedes and stays with me for days. I don’t think I can ever forgive them or get over this. Can you help?

Thank-you

Leanne

 

Dear Leanne,

I am so sorry for the grief you feel, the raw emotion of seeing the people you blame will remain with you for many years to come, departing possibly never. You don’t say whether you are at college or school or at work. However I feel you need to see a counsellor. Schools and colleges generally have one, and if not then I’d go and see your GP (and I would recommend the latter to be honest). It may be that all you need is a ‘shoulder to cry on’ as to speak, and let out all those emotions.

I can fully understand how you feel about the people you blame, but I wonder if they have the feelings that you do. If you are friendly at all with any of the group, you could try speaking to them and getting your anger out that way. I would advise being calm though, shouting will only anger them, and cause you more upset.

Please do see your GP and chat to them, they’ll be able to steer you in the right direction for your area.

You may also be interested I our previous post here

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Football is more than a game.

footballerDear D,

I’ve been married for just a month now. I love my husband very much but he is obsessed with the world cup. I know it is drawing to a close, but he is driving me mad. Every match is watched, he never moves or helps do anything while football is on, the only thing he is able to do is eat and make love. I just wonder what I can do to make him pay more attention to me, it feels like another person in the relationship

Please help me

Jenny

 

Dear Jenny

When I say you are NOT alone, trust me you are not. Obviously football isn’t your thing, that’s OK. But it is a passion for him. And I’m afraid unless you have a passion, then you’ll not know what it is like. You say you have been married a month, which is great but there is a long – long way ahead, and if you don’t control this jealousy now it’ll eat away at you and your relationship.

I would suggest you find something you like to do, perhaps go out with friends on football nights, join an evening class, find a hobby you love, whatever it is make sure you enjoy it (perhaps have a few things and alternate them). The thing to remember is you are married, not joined at the hip. It is good and healthy to have separate hobbies and likes and friends, but that should only increase your wanting and loving and needing for each other. Go out with your friends, go to bingo, do some model making, or knitting or perhaps try getting into the football, and whatever you do – don’t hold a grudge towards him or try to stop him. Instead join him and have a bit of fun. On the bright side at least he is eating and you’re sharing some fun together.

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Confused

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Dear D,

I’ve just left catering college, and while I enjoy the food industry, I’m not sure it’s what I want to do with my life. My parents are already looking at universities for me, I really don’t want to let them down, but I truly don’t think I want to go on to do more food studies.

Love

Emily

 

Dear Emily,

I can understand your predicament, it is a tough choice. You want to please your parents, but what you want is not what they expect. But you have to remember this is YOUR life, not your parents – despite their good intentions. I would suggest you sit down with your parents, and have a chat. Explain how you feel, tell them how you feel. They will probably understand and want you to be happy. However, it is essential that you tell them your plans for the future. Do you plan to get a job, train in another direction, or perhaps have a gap year? If your not going to study any more – you will need to think about earning a wage, which way will that go? Think about your answers and what you’ll say to them before you have your conversation.

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Adult star

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Dear D,

I dream of being a porn star, I’ve discussed it with some friends who think I’m bonkers. I love sex, so why not make money out of it. Is porn so wrong?

Mike

 

Dear Mike,

You don’t state your age, but I presume your old enough to make these sorts of choices and not a student who thinks they are. If the former is true, then you should really ignore what people say – it is your life, do what you want. However, I’d like to offer a few words. Your films will be there forever, online, in film, whichever way they are viewed. This means any future children, grandchildren etc will be able to view them, for years and years (possibly forever). Porn is viewed as a ‘disgusting’ activity, I don’t agree with this view completely. If the porn is created with people who are willing to be in the films – willing participants, and the porn is legal, then let adults do what they want. But think and consider your options very carefully, just because you love sex (and 99% of men are with you). It’s worth bearing in mind that some porn studio’s  often pay women porn stars a lot more than their male counterparts, according to what I’ve seen. In fact one studio gave the men $100 and the women $1000, so quite a big difference. If you are 100% sure you want to still be in this line of employment, then good luck.

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Affair

affair

 

Dear D,

I am three months married and fell into the arms of my husbands best friend when my husband was at work. I feel so guilty, but am afraid I’m in too deep – he is so sexy and knows how to hit the right spots.

Please help

Ella

 

Dear Ella,

I would like to say I have sympathy with you, but I’m afraid I do not. You have been married just three months and you’re cheating on your husband. The grass always appears greener on the other side, but it isn’t always. You need to sit your husband down and tell him what you and he’s supposed best friend have been doing together. I can only hope he is a forgiving guy, who loves you too much to forfeit your vows. If it were me, I wouldn’t be so forgiving and would seek a separation and lose a best friend. Can I ask why did you marry your new husband? Obviously the seed had been planted long ago, and pushed through after you had married. If this man is married also, he needs to speak to his wife, because if you don’t – it’ll all end in tears.

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I’m dying…

worried

Dear D,

I’ve just been told I have six months to live. I’m so depressed, but keep smiling for the rest of my family. To make things worse my daughter told me a few weeks ago she was pregnant with my first grandchild. I do not know what to do, every time I am alone I cry.

Love Joni

Dear Joni

I am so sorry to hear of your situation, and it’s very brave of you to keep smiling. However, you really do need to concentrate on the rest of your life, and what you want to do before you pass. Your last six months is all about you. Go on some breaks, visit friends, do what you wish while you can. I know a friend who was in this situation recently – she didn’t do anything, other than every day mundane things. She died sooner than expected. I can not stress enough how important it is for you to make the most of and enjoy your remaining time. It’d also be prudent to sort out finances, housing, work etc too. I sincerely hope your last months on earth are good, and happy. If you are struggling too much to even think of this, see your doctor who can refer you on for counselling, although you should do this sooner rather than later.

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