Football is more than a game.

footballerDear D,

I’ve been married for just a month now. I love my husband very much but he is obsessed with the world cup. I know it is drawing to a close, but he is driving me mad. Every match is watched, he never moves or helps do anything while football is on, the only thing he is able to do is eat and make love. I just wonder what I can do to make him pay more attention to me, it feels like another person in the relationship

Please help me

Jenny

 

Dear Jenny

When I say you are NOT alone, trust me you are not. Obviously football isn’t your thing, that’s OK. But it is a passion for him. And I’m afraid unless you have a passion, then you’ll not know what it is like. You say you have been married a month, which is great but there is a long – long way ahead, and if you don’t control this jealousy now it’ll eat away at you and your relationship.

I would suggest you find something you like to do, perhaps go out with friends on football nights, join an evening class, find a hobby you love, whatever it is make sure you enjoy it (perhaps have a few things and alternate them). The thing to remember is you are married, not joined at the hip. It is good and healthy to have separate hobbies and likes and friends, but that should only increase your wanting and loving and needing for each other. Go out with your friends, go to bingo, do some model making, or knitting or perhaps try getting into the football, and whatever you do – don’t hold a grudge towards him or try to stop him. Instead join him and have a bit of fun. On the bright side at least he is eating and you’re sharing some fun together.

Ask D

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Affair

affair

 

Dear D,

I am three months married and fell into the arms of my husbands best friend when my husband was at work. I feel so guilty, but am afraid I’m in too deep – he is so sexy and knows how to hit the right spots.

Please help

Ella

 

Dear Ella,

I would like to say I have sympathy with you, but I’m afraid I do not. You have been married just three months and you’re cheating on your husband. The grass always appears greener on the other side, but it isn’t always. You need to sit your husband down and tell him what you and he’s supposed best friend have been doing together. I can only hope he is a forgiving guy, who loves you too much to forfeit your vows. If it were me, I wouldn’t be so forgiving and would seek a separation and lose a best friend. Can I ask why did you marry your new husband? Obviously the seed had been planted long ago, and pushed through after you had married. If this man is married also, he needs to speak to his wife, because if you don’t – it’ll all end in tears.

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My husband

Dear D,

I love my husband of seven-years dearly. We have two children and have a nice house and lifestyle. In fact we are an ideal family. However, when it comes to our sex life, it’s a failure. While he orgasms every time we have sex, I have never had an orgasm with him. I want our marriage to continue to be strong, but want to feel fulfilled sexually as well.

Jemma

 

Dear Jemma,

We have had several contacts with similar lines. I think the only way to save your marriage is by sitting down and talking. One evening when the kids are in bed bring up the subject by saying something like: “Honey, you know I love you more than life itself? I’d do anything for you, you know that. But I am unhappy with our sex life”. Then go on to explain what you’d like, and give him the opportunity to tell you if you can do things to improve it. Perhaps you could consider buying a ‘The Lover’s Guide’, and watching it together. Men in particular don’t like being told they’re no good at sex, so chose your words carefully when telling him to avoid a BIG crack opening in your relationship. You’re right in saying sex is only part of a solid relationship, a relationship is far more than just sex – it involves being there, supporting, caring, supplying and much more.

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Pregnant

pregnant

 

Dear D,

I have just discovered I’m pregnant, and I’m scared of telling my boyfriend in case he leaves me. We are both eighteen and really are not ready for settling down just yet. I don’t believe in abortions either – what can I do?

Love Sandra

 

Dear Sandra

I am unable to see a question here really, you don’t believe in abortions and yet you’re too young to settle down? You HAVE to do one of the two. I’m sorry but in this day and age there is hardly any excuse for unwanted pregnancies – birth control has never been so easy or accessible. However, you are now pregnant and you have to get your head around it, discuss it with your boyfriend and family, this is your first and most vital step. Once it has sunk in, and reactions have been revealed – then and only then can you make any further decisions. You can contact Worth talking about, Brook, or the Samaritans to help you further.

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Generous

hand

 

Dear D,

I have a friend, whom I love dearly – as a friend. But he is too generous. Whenever we go out, he wants to pay (and does without my knowing most of the time). He treats me so kind on birthdays and Christmas that I feel my gifts to him are inadequate. I do enjoy the attention but wonder if he is getting his hopes up, thinking there is more than friendship between us? I don’t want to lose him as a friend, am I reading too much into it.

Best wishes

Tom

 

Dear Tom,

Firstly do you actually know whether this man fancies you? Has he made it clear? Or is he just being friendly. I can understand that someone treating yo like a prince, might seem as if they’re wanting ‘that bit more’, but normally, it is within their personalities to be generous. You should sit him down and ask him straight.

Ask D

Argument

whose right

 

Dear D,

My wife is seriously doing my nut in, all because of the TV. I want to watch sport and the odd film, but all she does is complain and moan that she never gets to watch what she wants. It’s got to boiling point now, and separation my be imminent.

Jake

 

Dear Jake,

Do you realise how daft this sounds? You married your wife because you loved her, you wanted to be with her, and possibly have children together. Let’s sit and think about this. You want sport, she wants soaps. So you either get another TV and put it in a different room, so you can both watch what you want when you want. Otherwise, get to agree on ‘your time and her time’ and family/together time. Its not rocket science to get  recorder and record things to watch later. But if I were you the best option would be to get TWO TV’s with TWO recorders, so you’ll both live happily ever after.

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Sex needs

sex

I’m forty-five and my husband is ten years younger. However, my libido doesn’t match his. When we married our sexual needs were about the same, now they are worlds apart. I realise it is different for men, that is there main reason for living, as is the woman’s for nesting. But seriously I am worried something might be wrong with me, and more worried that he will look elsewhere? Please help.

Jane

 

Dear Jane,

You’re right in saying that men and women’s needs are different, and this includes sexual desire.  In the animal world men are known to do all sorts of things to attract females to mate, and in the human world (for the most) that is reflected. Humans mate for life (we know this isn’t always the case, but generally speaking), hence why throughout history men have married women and procreated to make the race go on. However, in modern times the dynamic has changed, women want more than their wildlife counterparts. Yes many still want to procreate and have children, but many want a career too. But this doesn’t answer your question, or help you – but it does explain a little of the background.

Women have internal issues to deal with also, as they approach their fifties (usual not always) they have a major body change as their bodies start to produce less essential female hormone’s, known as the menopause. This has major effects on their bodies from hot sweats, to lack of sexual desire. Also mood such as depression can affect libido. So there are many things that can affect how you feel. It may be worth you paying a visit to your doctor and having some test for Perimenopause, or talking about your feeling etc.

Unlike women, men can father children up to the day they die. Therefore their sex drive will be higher.  If you’re reluctant to go to see a doctor (which you may need to in time), why not try a date night once a fortnight or monthly. Take it slowly, enjoy your time together and don’t feel pressured into sex – either of you.

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