Affair

affair

 

Dear D,

I am three months married and fell into the arms of my husbands best friend when my husband was at work. I feel so guilty, but am afraid I’m in too deep – he is so sexy and knows how to hit the right spots.

Please help

Ella

 

Dear Ella,

I would like to say I have sympathy with you, but I’m afraid I do not. You have been married just three months and you’re cheating on your husband. The grass always appears greener on the other side, but it isn’t always. You need to sit your husband down and tell him what you and he’s supposed best friend have been doing together. I can only hope he is a forgiving guy, who loves you too much to forfeit your vows. If it were me, I wouldn’t be so forgiving and would seek a separation and lose a best friend. Can I ask why did you marry your new husband? Obviously the seed had been planted long ago, and pushed through after you had married. If this man is married also, he needs to speak to his wife, because if you don’t – it’ll all end in tears.

Ask D

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My husband

Dear D,

I love my husband of seven-years dearly. We have two children and have a nice house and lifestyle. In fact we are an ideal family. However, when it comes to our sex life, it’s a failure. While he orgasms every time we have sex, I have never had an orgasm with him. I want our marriage to continue to be strong, but want to feel fulfilled sexually as well.

Jemma

 

Dear Jemma,

We have had several contacts with similar lines. I think the only way to save your marriage is by sitting down and talking. One evening when the kids are in bed bring up the subject by saying something like: “Honey, you know I love you more than life itself? I’d do anything for you, you know that. But I am unhappy with our sex life”. Then go on to explain what you’d like, and give him the opportunity to tell you if you can do things to improve it. Perhaps you could consider buying a ‘The Lover’s Guide’, and watching it together. Men in particular don’t like being told they’re no good at sex, so chose your words carefully when telling him to avoid a BIG crack opening in your relationship. You’re right in saying sex is only part of a solid relationship, a relationship is far more than just sex – it involves being there, supporting, caring, supplying and much more.

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Pregnant

pregnant

 

Dear D,

I have just discovered I’m pregnant, and I’m scared of telling my boyfriend in case he leaves me. We are both eighteen and really are not ready for settling down just yet. I don’t believe in abortions either – what can I do?

Love Sandra

 

Dear Sandra

I am unable to see a question here really, you don’t believe in abortions and yet you’re too young to settle down? You HAVE to do one of the two. I’m sorry but in this day and age there is hardly any excuse for unwanted pregnancies – birth control has never been so easy or accessible. However, you are now pregnant and you have to get your head around it, discuss it with your boyfriend and family, this is your first and most vital step. Once it has sunk in, and reactions have been revealed – then and only then can you make any further decisions. You can contact Worth talking about, Brook, or the Samaritans to help you further.

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Generous

hand

 

Dear D,

I have a friend, whom I love dearly – as a friend. But he is too generous. Whenever we go out, he wants to pay (and does without my knowing most of the time). He treats me so kind on birthdays and Christmas that I feel my gifts to him are inadequate. I do enjoy the attention but wonder if he is getting his hopes up, thinking there is more than friendship between us? I don’t want to lose him as a friend, am I reading too much into it.

Best wishes

Tom

 

Dear Tom,

Firstly do you actually know whether this man fancies you? Has he made it clear? Or is he just being friendly. I can understand that someone treating yo like a prince, might seem as if they’re wanting ‘that bit more’, but normally, it is within their personalities to be generous. You should sit him down and ask him straight.

Ask D

Argument

whose right

 

Dear D,

My wife is seriously doing my nut in, all because of the TV. I want to watch sport and the odd film, but all she does is complain and moan that she never gets to watch what she wants. It’s got to boiling point now, and separation my be imminent.

Jake

 

Dear Jake,

Do you realise how daft this sounds? You married your wife because you loved her, you wanted to be with her, and possibly have children together. Let’s sit and think about this. You want sport, she wants soaps. So you either get another TV and put it in a different room, so you can both watch what you want when you want. Otherwise, get to agree on ‘your time and her time’ and family/together time. Its not rocket science to get  recorder and record things to watch later. But if I were you the best option would be to get TWO TV’s with TWO recorders, so you’ll both live happily ever after.

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Sex needs

sex

I’m forty-five and my husband is ten years younger. However, my libido doesn’t match his. When we married our sexual needs were about the same, now they are worlds apart. I realise it is different for men, that is there main reason for living, as is the woman’s for nesting. But seriously I am worried something might be wrong with me, and more worried that he will look elsewhere? Please help.

Jane

 

Dear Jane,

You’re right in saying that men and women’s needs are different, and this includes sexual desire.  In the animal world men are known to do all sorts of things to attract females to mate, and in the human world (for the most) that is reflected. Humans mate for life (we know this isn’t always the case, but generally speaking), hence why throughout history men have married women and procreated to make the race go on. However, in modern times the dynamic has changed, women want more than their wildlife counterparts. Yes many still want to procreate and have children, but many want a career too. But this doesn’t answer your question, or help you – but it does explain a little of the background.

Women have internal issues to deal with also, as they approach their fifties (usual not always) they have a major body change as their bodies start to produce less essential female hormone’s, known as the menopause. This has major effects on their bodies from hot sweats, to lack of sexual desire. Also mood such as depression can affect libido. So there are many things that can affect how you feel. It may be worth you paying a visit to your doctor and having some test for Perimenopause, or talking about your feeling etc.

Unlike women, men can father children up to the day they die. Therefore their sex drive will be higher.  If you’re reluctant to go to see a doctor (which you may need to in time), why not try a date night once a fortnight or monthly. Take it slowly, enjoy your time together and don’t feel pressured into sex – either of you.

Ask D

 

My mother

childDear D,

I love my mother very much, but I also dislike her too if that is possible. She is a nasty, gossip who has cause much harm with my friends and our family. Her own sister calls her ‘nasty tongue’. My partner has just proposed to me, and wants me to tell my mum. I can’t for the following reasons; She doesn’t know I am gay, she constantly ran down gay people on TV when I was younger, She’ll want to interfere in the arrangements of the wedding. I think my late father would have understood, but she is a different kettle of fish.

Thanks Kev

 

Dear Kev,

Firstly I am glad you have found the right man and are in a happy place. It seems you have this one nagging problem that although you say you don’t want as part of your life, I suspect secretly you do. You only get one mother, and yes she might not be perfect, but you really do need to tell her that you are gay and getting married. It’ll be difficult, so why not take your husband to be and introduce him, she might well ‘calm down’ in his presence. I feel it is important to tell her yo love her, but can no longer deal with her sarcasm and nastiness, share that if she wants to be part of your life that she has to accept your partner.

You don’t say whether you have any siblings or close relatives who are on your side. If so maybe one of those (or more) could come alone with you and have a word, not that I suspect you’ll need it – but for moral support it’d help.

If al else fails life without parents goes on, as sad as it is. You are brought into this world to enjoy your time as best as you can, and it is important you realise that you stay happy. Eventually your mother will die, and you’ll have years to come with your new husband.

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