I feel guilty…

guiltyDear D,

I have a funny situation, I constantly feel guilty. If I bump into someone I feel guilty, If someone pushes in front of me in a queue I feel guilty, whatever the situation if I can I do feel guilty. Am I abnormal?

Cheers Em

 

Dear Em

You’re not abnormal, just a average person making mountains out of molehills. It seems to me that instead of thinking rationally about a situation you seem to be jumping in and going straight to ‘guilty mode’. You see most of us feel a ‘bit guilty’ in those situations, but we compartmentalise it and generally forget it. What you seem to be doing is taking that insignificant action, and making it larger than what it is. What you should try to do, is instead of instantly feeling like you have done something wrong, stop, think, evaluate the situation. then if you have a genuine reason to feel guilty, then fine. But it is always wise to STOP and THINK before taking any action or thought.

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Bullying

bully

Dear D,

My friend at school was bullied and ended up killing herself. Jo was fifteen before those scum made he take her life. I’m now seventeen and living in the same town, where most of them live. I see them occasionally and all the healing about Jo recedes and stays with me for days. I don’t think I can ever forgive them or get over this. Can you help?

Thank-you

Leanne

 

Dear Leanne,

I am so sorry for the grief you feel, the raw emotion of seeing the people you blame will remain with you for many years to come, departing possibly never. You don’t say whether you are at college or school or at work. However I feel you need to see a counsellor. Schools and colleges generally have one, and if not then I’d go and see your GP (and I would recommend the latter to be honest). It may be that all you need is a ‘shoulder to cry on’ as to speak, and let out all those emotions.

I can fully understand how you feel about the people you blame, but I wonder if they have the feelings that you do. If you are friendly at all with any of the group, you could try speaking to them and getting your anger out that way. I would advise being calm though, shouting will only anger them, and cause you more upset.

Please do see your GP and chat to them, they’ll be able to steer you in the right direction for your area.

You may also be interested I our previous post here

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Football is more than a game.

footballerDear D,

I’ve been married for just a month now. I love my husband very much but he is obsessed with the world cup. I know it is drawing to a close, but he is driving me mad. Every match is watched, he never moves or helps do anything while football is on, the only thing he is able to do is eat and make love. I just wonder what I can do to make him pay more attention to me, it feels like another person in the relationship

Please help me

Jenny

 

Dear Jenny

When I say you are NOT alone, trust me you are not. Obviously football isn’t your thing, that’s OK. But it is a passion for him. And I’m afraid unless you have a passion, then you’ll not know what it is like. You say you have been married a month, which is great but there is a long – long way ahead, and if you don’t control this jealousy now it’ll eat away at you and your relationship.

I would suggest you find something you like to do, perhaps go out with friends on football nights, join an evening class, find a hobby you love, whatever it is make sure you enjoy it (perhaps have a few things and alternate them). The thing to remember is you are married, not joined at the hip. It is good and healthy to have separate hobbies and likes and friends, but that should only increase your wanting and loving and needing for each other. Go out with your friends, go to bingo, do some model making, or knitting or perhaps try getting into the football, and whatever you do – don’t hold a grudge towards him or try to stop him. Instead join him and have a bit of fun. On the bright side at least he is eating and you’re sharing some fun together.

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Confused

sketch-363071_960_720

Dear D,

I’ve just left catering college, and while I enjoy the food industry, I’m not sure it’s what I want to do with my life. My parents are already looking at universities for me, I really don’t want to let them down, but I truly don’t think I want to go on to do more food studies.

Love

Emily

 

Dear Emily,

I can understand your predicament, it is a tough choice. You want to please your parents, but what you want is not what they expect. But you have to remember this is YOUR life, not your parents – despite their good intentions. I would suggest you sit down with your parents, and have a chat. Explain how you feel, tell them how you feel. They will probably understand and want you to be happy. However, it is essential that you tell them your plans for the future. Do you plan to get a job, train in another direction, or perhaps have a gap year? If your not going to study any more – you will need to think about earning a wage, which way will that go? Think about your answers and what you’ll say to them before you have your conversation.

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Feeling useless

Dear D,

I have just seen the dreadful fire in the tower block in London, and it has really hit me, mainly because it I guess because I have relations living near there. However, I am feeling useless, and feel like I want to do something to help, but how can I ? I live eighty miles away and work full time, is there any other way I can help?

Jamie

 

Dear Jamie,

Many people are in your situation, and most people want to help in some way. Well luckily there are ways in which you can help, I too have family living nearby so understand your concern. Firstly you can check out locally if you area has any collections of clothing, food, toiletries etc. Secondly, there are several online appeals where you can donate money via a just giving pageor maybe the Kensington and Chelsea foundation website. Thirdly, Simon Cowell is creating a single in aid of the Grenfell Tower fire victims, you can buy that when it is released. So even from the distance you are, you can help. It is warming to see how the whole of the UK have rallied together to help the victims. So don’t feel as if your not doing your bit, you are just donate whatever you can – time, money, clothing, or anything.

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My sisters husband

sorry

Dear D,

My sister got married a few weeks ago, but before her and her now husband got hitched they went through a ‘bad’ patch in their relationship. I’m happily single – or so I thought. Anyway, three weeks before her wedding I slept with her man. We agreed at the time it was a ‘one – off’ , but he keeps texting me now – saying how great the sex was, and he wants to hook up again. I agree the sex was great, and I am so tempted by meeting up again, but am scared about losing my sister and family. What should I do?

Mary

 

Dear Mary,

I’d suggest you either go to a sex shop and buy a sexual relief product or go out and get a man of your own. You’re right in thinking that you will not only lose your sister, but your whole family too. Is it really worth a quick fumble? How could you have even contemplated going for seconds or thirds? You need to walk away from this situation now, keep your distance from your brother in law, ignore any texts he says you – it will only lead to disaster.

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To report or not

priest.pngDear D,

My friend has told me that a local vicar has been ‘touching him’, he didn’t say any more, and didn’t seem upset at all, but begged me not to say anything. But it’s been weighing on my mind – should I say anything? We are both twelve years old.

Lee

 

Dear Lee

In reply to your question – yes, you should say something. Have a private word with your teacher at school. Or if you feel able why not try talking to your parents? If that fails, try the NSPCC or Childline. This thing has been going on for years, and no doubt will go on for many to come too. Any touching of a minor (that’s someone under 16 years old preferably older) is illegal, and while I’m not saying this is a sexual contact – it seems that your friend – by the very fact he has told you is not happy with it. Your friend may be putting on a brave face, but it might very well affect him in the future. If you contact one of the organisations or people I have mentioned, they will be able to offer expert advice, its free and confidential so please do it.

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