Confused

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Dear D,

I’ve just left catering college, and while I enjoy the food industry, I’m not sure it’s what I want to do with my life. My parents are already looking at universities for me, I really don’t want to let them down, but I truly don’t think I want to go on to do more food studies.

Love

Emily

 

Dear Emily,

I can understand your predicament, it is a tough choice. You want to please your parents, but what you want is not what they expect. But you have to remember this is YOUR life, not your parents – despite their good intentions. I would suggest you sit down with your parents, and have a chat. Explain how you feel, tell them how you feel. They will probably understand and want you to be happy. However, it is essential that you tell them your plans for the future. Do you plan to get a job, train in another direction, or perhaps have a gap year? If your not going to study any more – you will need to think about earning a wage, which way will that go? Think about your answers and what you’ll say to them before you have your conversation.

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Feeling useless

Dear D,

I have just seen the dreadful fire in the tower block in London, and it has really hit me, mainly because it I guess because I have relations living near there. However, I am feeling useless, and feel like I want to do something to help, but how can I ? I live eighty miles away and work full time, is there any other way I can help?

Jamie

 

Dear Jamie,

Many people are in your situation, and most people want to help in some way. Well luckily there are ways in which you can help, I too have family living nearby so understand your concern. Firstly you can check out locally if you area has any collections of clothing, food, toiletries etc. Secondly, there are several online appeals where you can donate money via a just giving page,¬†or maybe the Kensington and Chelsea foundation website. Thirdly, Simon Cowell is creating a single in aid of the Grenfell Tower fire victims, you can buy that when it is released. So even from the distance you are, you can help. It is warming to see how the whole of the UK have rallied together to help the victims. So don’t feel as if your not doing your bit, you are just donate whatever you can – time, money, clothing, or anything.

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My sisters husband

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Dear D,

My sister got married a few weeks ago, but before her and her now husband got hitched they went through a ‘bad’ patch in their relationship. I’m happily single – or so I thought. Anyway, three weeks before her wedding I slept with her man. We agreed at the time it was a ‘one – off’ , but he keeps texting me now – saying how great the sex was, and he wants to hook up again. I agree the sex was great, and I am so tempted by meeting up again, but am scared about losing my sister and family. What should I do?

Mary

 

Dear Mary,

I’d suggest you either go to a sex shop and buy a sexual relief product or go out and get a man of your own. You’re right in thinking that you will not only lose your sister, but your whole family too. Is it really worth a quick fumble? How could you have even contemplated going for seconds or thirds? You need to walk away from this situation now, keep your distance from your brother in law, ignore any texts he says you – it will only lead to disaster.

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To report or not

priest.pngDear D,

My friend has told me that a local vicar has been ‘touching him’, he didn’t say any more, and didn’t seem upset at all, but begged me not to say anything. But it’s been weighing on my mind – should I say anything? We are both twelve years old.

Lee

 

Dear Lee

In reply to your question – yes, you should say something. Have a private word with your teacher at school. Or if you feel able why not try talking to your parents? If that fails, try the NSPCC or Childline. This thing has been going on for years, and no doubt will go on for many to come too. Any touching of a minor (that’s someone under 16 years old preferably older) is illegal, and while I’m not saying this is a sexual contact – it seems that your friend – by the very fact he has told you is not happy with it. Your friend may be putting on a brave face, but it might very well affect him in the future. If you contact one of the organisations or people I have mentioned, they will be able to offer expert advice, its free and confidential so please do it.

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Sicko next door

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Dear D,

We’ve been told that our new next door neighbour is a paedophile. As you can imagine we are not happy at all. My husband wants to do him some damage like he damages the little ones. I’m torn

Esther

 

Dear Esther,

Firstly find out if what you have been told is true, you can do this by visiting the police and enquiring. Secondly remember the old adage that two wrongs do no make a right. But be alert and vigilant around him especially if you see children hanging around or going near him. Then report him immediately.

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Unsure

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Dear D, I do hope you can help me? I am my wits end. My next door¬†neighbours are lovely people to us and the neighbour’s. But I fear they are abusing their children, maybe not sexually but we hear nearly every day shouting by the mother and father at the children. Occasionally, they’ve had bruises – but most kids do get bruises from time to time don’t they? I’m not sure what to do,.

Thanks Derek and Joan

 

Dear Derek and Joan,

These sort of things do happen, more than we care to think. But it can be stamped out if we all report incidents, even those which we are not fully sure of. I would suggest you contact the NSPCC where they will be able to (in confidence) tell you whether it’s worth taking further. Here is a list which might help you from the NSPCC. They are expert in what they do, as that is basically all they do so they’ll know how to help you. Taking that first step will make you feel so much better and more relived, so do it sooner rather than later.

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Terror Attacks

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Dear D,

This week in the UK we’ve seen terrorism rise it’s ugly head again. This time it was particularly chilling as it was aimed at teens and children. But the image of 9/11 stays with me constantly, and I still think its a dream sometimes. Then France has had several attacks along with various other countries. The thing is all this news of terrorism has made me really scared about going any where, and particularly sending my children anywhere without me. Am I over reacting?

Rachel

 

Dear Rachel,

You are most certainly not over reacting, the safety of your children will and should always come first. You are a naturally protective mother. However, and there always seems to be a but – doesn’t there? You shouldn’t let these terrorists hold you to ransom, and instead you should carry on (albeit with an extra sense of awareness) and enjoy life. Go venturing to other lands or other cities, don’t let them win. If this is a real struggle for you (more than can helped in a few words) then it might be worth you visiting your doctor to see if you can see a talk therapist to help you understand the risks. generally try to look at it like this: I’m XX (let’s say 60)years old and I’ve not been hurt by any terrorism yet, and I’ve travelled too. In those 60 years how many times have I been hurt by a terror attack? While our minds react with the fight or flight instinct, when we logically sit and think about it, the odds of being hurt are slim.

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